I think you're being too hard on yourself, Michael. After all, you've done NOTHING wrong to deserve this "punishment". Nevertheless, I am SO SORRY that you feel this way. Hit me up if you need someone to talk to. I won't judge you. I PROMISE YOU THAT! I hope things will start improving soon for you! Definitely start to take some little steps at least like resurgam has already wisely and wonderfully said BETTER THAN I EVER COULD! I hope you'll reconsider trying Online Therapy as well but the decision is yours. I don't want to pressure you in ANY direction! Nevertheless, please take WONDERFUL care of yourself. I think you deserve it. I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that. It seems like you don't, however! I am so sorry! Please write to me if you wish to do so! I AM SURE PLENTY OF OTHERS WILL ALSO GLADLY AND WONDERFULLY HELP YOU OUT AS WELL! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @Michael2Wolves, and ALL Of Your Loved Ones!