I've never been religious even though my mom is Roman Catholic. My dad's side of the family is Russian Orthodox which is a weird combination of religions. I used to think I was an atheist but then decided I thought there were possibilities so I consider myself agnostic.

Since my grandfather has died I have felt really confused. It made me really sad to think I would never see him again (since I don't believe in heaven). It's made me want to be religious but I just can't do it (sounds silly).

Even with that I have found myself thinking "Can he see me doing this?" when I do stupid stuff (like drink).

In addition to that, I had somebody recently tell me I'm going to go to hell if I don't find God. It really upset me, not only because of the way the phrase was said and the wording of it, but because it really had me thinking about what if I do go to hell?

I just don't know what to think or do right now. Does anyone have advice?