Yes, I do understand. My "homework" this week for therapy is to come up with as many ideas as i can of things I would like to do that make me happy. Even if they are not possible, list them anyway.
It's been 4 days and so far, all I've managed is to imagine that I'd be happy were I not on medication. Nothing else clear has come to mind, so far.
It all feels awfully meaningless...pointless.
Strangely, though, I had an experience this spring that was vivid and profound...I nearly drowned in water (a creek) that was moving much more wildly rapid than I had realized. I shocked myself at how hard I fought not to die.
I would say that I'm not suicidal, and that you're not suicidal. But is it possible that how you feel is passively suicidal?