I was born a "mistake." After my sister was born, doctors told mom not to have any more children. I came along 6 years later. That is why she blamed me for her illness (familial amyloidosis). It was just a coincidence that onset of symptoms appeared at my birth.

I'm almost 50, and now permanently and totally disabled due to the same disease. It will only get worse for me. Whenever I try to do something productive, it seems to make things worse. I tried something simple like clearing off a desk, but had trouble controlling the movement of my arm - accidentally knocked over a glass of water onto an electrical outlet on the floor. Tried to carry a single plate to the kitchen sink, but lost my grip and it broke into pieces. It made my brain all flustered, and I couldn't remember how to pick up the pieces.

I can still type on the computer and communicate with others, but I get the feeling I'm too ugly - my life and my words are too depressing for others to hear. All I have left to offer is my take on life and what I've experienced. I spend most of my time bedridden in a dark room where my father died and mom continually attempted suicide.

I know now my birth was not a mistake. However, my life now is useless and worthless - even the government says so. It makes me wonder if holding onto life is a mistake for me. People don't want to hear what I have to say, and I'm sooooooo tired of watching all the fighting.

What would you suggest?