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So here we are. Baby is 14 months old. I found only 6 weeks ago that the fighting from when they were pregnant never really settled down much. Turns out they were always fighting because husband didn’t want to change how he lived his life just because baby was here. He still wanted to go out every weekend and drink and party. He never wanted to turn down an invitation to go do something with friends. He would say “Take the baby. Bring the pack and play. She will sleep through it”. Husband is a part of a car club and frequents car shows. He never understood why sister didn’t want baby to sit out in 90 degree heat in a parking lot full of cars all day. The husband began to have an “emotional” affair with a woman. He claims nothing physical happened. But the other woman’s husband found out that his wife was getting closer with another man and the guy threatened to tell my sister so husband told her what was going on.
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Your sister's husband did NOT want to grow up and be a responsible husband. Often some distance even agruements begin to take place once the woman gets very pregnant and is more about the pregnancy and satisfying her nesting instincts which are typically in high gear in the later months and the husband begins to get resentful and suddenly all the attention is no longer on him but elsewhere.
Well, once the baby is born, EVERYTHING revolves around the baby and the husband begins to feel left out more and more. Arguements can come up for attention, and also because the husband isn't really loving and supportive and devoted the way the wife had hoped he would be. Men simply do not have the same desire to sit and nurture the baby. They even can be on the uncomfortable side as babies are messy, constantly drewling, and extremely dependent. And these first several months are exhausting for the mother and often she isn't really thinking about snuggling and loving and interacting as much with the husband, she's actually tired. This is when a husband can get drawn into an emotional type affair, just looking for female attention again and it's not necessarily about needing sex, at least not at first. Well, think about this, he was important when your sister was trying to get pregnant, they had to be intimate a lot until she got pregant, then suddenly she is pregant and gradually, without even realizing it begins to distance from him more and more.
He drifted away and what is coming out now? What is their arguement STILL over? THE BABY! Um, now he WANTS this baby? That's not what he wants, he is instead showing his resentment for not getting ALL the attention he once had.
All your sister REALLY wanted was to have a child AND A FAMILY. He needed to understand how that was going to change their relationship in ways he was not prepared for and needed and STILL needs to understand it and GROW UP instead of being selfish because it's not ALL ABOUT HIM anymore. He needs to grow up and understand that changes when people agree to have children.
However, the wife also needs to understand HIS needs too and even though so much of her attention is in demand by this new very dependent baby, she needs to try to make time for her husband and making sure they have time together so he doesn't feel left out and sees he still has his partner who loves him.