Rose's assessment was quite blunt but very insightful. It may be hard to read without feeling defensive, but if you can glean from it how you can put yourself first so you can change your life, I think you will find that if you dont put yourself first you will be no good to your sons. If you dont take care of yourself you won't be able to help them when you want. Putting yourself in harm's way to help your sons is not helping them. It's simply alleviating a momentary financial need. If you had your own stable housing and a budget to stay within...helping others does not mean you hurt yourself to do so. If a friend asks me for money, I dont give them what is earmarked for my rent and end up homeless too. If your son is an adult then he needs to take care of himself from time to time. Sorry, I digress.

I think there is some kind of faulty thinking that's keeping you in this situation, and you are bright enough and emotionally aware enough to put your needs front and center for a time to get yourself in a safe situation.