A lot of this indecision is EMOTIONAL confusion. This emotional confusion is coming from two very imature individuals, (are they both early twenties still?). Peeling back the layers, there was a very strong connection at one point, and they did experience love for each other. Well, that layer is still there beneath what is happening right now. A lot of times, the two individuals still love each other, but they got into challenges they did not know how to handle where they could sit and talk with each other until they formed an agreement. Giving up half of "one's stuff" is what you do when you form a bonding relationship in the first place. It's called marriage and it requires that these two people that love each other commit to SHARING. It's sharing a bed, sharing a home, sharing meals, sharing heartaches, sharing the challenge of making ends meet, sharing discussions about life challenges together. Part of sharing is also learning to compromise too. And VERY IMPORTANT sharing the responsibilities of raising that little child they now created together.

Unfortunately, this guy was not prepared OR educated about what kind of compromises he would need to learn how to make once he agreed to create a child with this young woman he loved in this layer of the onion.
Instead, he is reacting to this new commitment as if suddenly his wife is cheating on him with an "emotional affair".

One thing this young man doesn't realize because he is so uneducated is how the stress he is causing his wife, the mother of HIS child is affecting HIS child RIGHT NOW. Having a child isn't something only the wife does, while she does do a lot, has to carry that growing child inside her and deal with the growing discomfort that creates, that doesn't mean the father's role isn't just as important. His wife isn't cheating him, she is not having an emotional affair and abandoning him, SHE IS BEING A MOTHER to his child. This is when he should be learning about what HE can do to contribute to the mother of his child getting rest, and feeling safe so that she imprints that child of his in postive ways INSTEAD of that child absorbing her mother's stress and insecurities.

You talk about how it was not easy for them as a couple to create a child and that when this child was born it was such a beautiful healthy baby girl. The mother fell in love with her child, he should really appreciate that because that doesn't always happen and it's SO IMPORTANT. Maybe, the only way it could be explained to him is how some car he thinks of as such an amazing car, was created and someone appreciated it and took really good care of it. Well, some men can actually form some strong emotional attachments to cars. They learn how if all the parts inside that engine are not watched and cared for that car won't run right and the engine can end up breaking down in some way. Well, it's like that with a child too, his child is just ONLY beginning to develop in ways that if not cared for right can make that child's life more difficult. He should be considering himself very lucky that his child was born healthy and as a couple they can enjoy a lot more "normal" growth than raising a child that has problems and will not be normal but constantly challenge the parents. A father/husband doesn't really realize what an important role he does play for a child. Idk, if he is passionate about cars, then perhaps the only way he might be able to get it is to think about how he would feel if he watched someone be lucky enough to possess an amazing car but doesn't appreciate and respect it or take care of it and basically runs it into the ground and ruins it.

His having an emotional affair was his reaction to feeling resentment towards his wife having an emotional affair with HIS child. Someone needs to sit with him and help him see how his "emotional" reactions right now are creating stress that is directly affecting that child of HIS. He needs to have someone teach him about WHY his wife is not oh so willing to just take their child certain places and just expect that child to "sleep away" whatever environment his wife exposes it to". He is NOT paying attention, that is not good, actually that is one of the reasons a young father might even forget his child is in the car and ends up leaving that child in the car that is hot and not anything that child can handle. Actually, lots of serious accidents happen when a father is left with a child because the father isn't bonding with that child and tends to think it's not as dependent as it really is. I almost lost my little girl because her father as not paying attention and left the cellar door open and our child crawled over and ended up falling down the stairs. We were lucky in that she went down those stairs on her tummy, it could have been way worse and could have killed our child.

Lawyers and mediators do not cover what is REALLY important that is taking place. It's very much like people getting overly emotional and arguing when a car isn't working and how that can change if someone takes the time to actually LEARN why that car isn't running right and how to fix it properly and even pay attention so it doesn't happen again. I am using that analogy because from what you have shared it sounds like this husband and very into cars. He is interacting in ways that is really showing his "lack of knowledge" and how he is interacting based on his emotions and that is NOT going to contribute to actually FIXING what is wrong at all. He is focusing on spliting and he is choosing to USE something for "emotional selfish leverage" that is one thing that any truely KNOWLEDGABLE parent NEVER uses as a threat.

You know the saying "friends don't let friends drive drunk"? Well, lovers don't EVER let their loved ones get so stressed out that an innocent child BEARS THAT BURDEN. Oh, maybe he isn't hitting her physically, but he IS causing harm and "hitting her emotionally" when all she is doing is trying to LOVE THEIR CHILD. His causing her all this stress is also HARMING HIS BEAUTIFUL child too. At only 14 months old that child of his is most definitely absorbing more then he can imagine. It's like not putting any transmission fluid in a car and how that ends up literally RUINING a perfectly fine transmission. It's called "stupidity" and once it's ruined it's too late. These two need to LEARN how they are literally building a little human being and they need to STOP and think about WHAT they are doing that is going to really affect how that child turns out. His wife is literally crying out to him "if I don't put transmission fluid in my engine it's going to RUIN IT". I know it sounds strange but often the only way you can begin to get someone to understand is by trying to use an example of something they DO know and learned is very important. You know, when it comes to a human child, to learning the important things, one VERY important thing is "YOU cannot ever go back and REDO". Right NOW this man is creating stress in this mother, the mother of his child and it IS affecting that child in ways he is totally not realizing and he WILL NEVER have a chance to redo the damage either. Instead he needs to STOP causing this damage where his actions are stressing the mother of his child out that is NOT healthy for their CHILD who is NOW developing in extremely important ways.

It's so important this man understand what is happening NOW that he cannot EVER change. Oh, maybe just copy this post and hand it to him, or mail it to him anonymously. Someday, down the road this man will read something that will cause him a great deal of regret. He will come to think about what he is doing now and someday learn how that is affecting this little innocent child that deserves him to KNOW MORE instead of doing things that are in fact causing harm to such an innocent human being that clearly doesn't deserve it. And not only that, but this child may be the ONLY child he may actually produce in his life too. He needs to recognize just how lucky he is that he has a normal beautiful baby girl too. Not everyone is that lucky.

Your sister's only crime in all of this is "she just wants to love her baby and feel safe and take good care of this beautiful baby girl". This husband should have SOMEONE explain this to him, so down the road he doesn't sit with regret about being so stubborn in ways that is not fair to his beautiful little child. Men simply do not realize how really important their role really is when it comes to how their children look at life and relationships. Does this father want his daughter to choose a man that doesn't CARE about her? That is the direction he is going right now with her. He is unknowlingly teaching his little girl what is acceptable and he will see this years from now when he dislikes the guy she ends up with or maybe she will never even have a loving relationship either, after all, she is not seeing how that happens in her own parents now is she?