I am SO SORRY for what you're going through, @alexflute59! It certainly sounds like you're REALLY depressed. You're saying that you need help so why not get some? Are there any Doctors, Psychiatrists, Psychologists or Therapists you can reach out to? Please definitely ask for help to whoever you can! Your Life isn't over. You can still build a good one... but you must NEVER, EVER GIVE UP HOPE! That is FUNDAMENTAL if you want to keep fighting! So please, be kind to yourseld and DON'T GIVE UP! I am sure you have much more worth that you think you have. You're important, you matter, you're worth it, you're wise and you're wonderful! That's ABSOLUTELY TRUE and you know that is ABSOLUTELY TRUE even if it's deep down inside you! Please keep us posted and let us know how things are going for you and if they are getting ANY better, ok? Feel free to PM me ANYTIME if you need advice and support or even simply someone to talk to. I am SURE plenty of others will also GLADLY and WONDERFULLY help you if you just ask for some help! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @alexflute59, your family, your friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN like you're already WONDERFULLY doing ALL and ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF and ALL and ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN!