I'm holding back a lot from you, as amazing as that probably seems. The truth is, you're just perfect in my eyes. Physically, mentally, emotionally perfect. And that doesn't mean I believe you have no flaws, because I know you do. I also know you have suffered massively in your life, because you share bits at times when I need to hear that. You're real, you're vulnerable, you're imperfect - and that makes you perfect. It makes you beautiful. I don't see that in myself really. I have tried to. Other therapists have pointed this out and I have started to think...well maybe I have some good points. But I still have a poor self image, overall. I hate the way I look, whereas you are exceptionally attractive. I'm not charismatic, whereas you are. I'm no good at conveying warm and empathy, whereas it just radiates from you. I'm not that intelligent, but I know you are exceptionally brainy.

I know it's pointless and devastating to compare ourselves with anyone; it's a recipe for emotional disaster. But I can't help it. I feel this intense kind of love for you and it's not just because I want a nurturing figure in my life, it's also because you are everything I'd want to be and I'm not. I don't know how to reconcile that. I think this is the purpose of the intense and at times bordering on erotic transference - it's wanting to merge with all that you are, because you are beautiful, inside and out.

How could I be anything like you? I'm just not, I never will be.

God it's so hard.