Hello alexflute: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post here on PC. So… welcome to Psych Central. I'm sorry you are feeling so hopeless. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support for you. By the way there is a forum, here on PC, dedicated to the subject of eating disorders. Here's a link just in case you haven't already found it:

https://psychcentralforums.com/eating-disorders/

Since you posted this in the depression forum, I presume you have an understanding of what it is that is going on with you. You didn't mention if you're receiving any mental health treatment. If not that's certainly something you may want to consider. Unfortunately there aren't any easy answers to the kind of situation you are in, just a lot of hard work. (You probably didn't need me to tell you that.) However perhaps coming here to PC can be a step in that direction.

Here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of interest:

Depression: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central

Living with Depression: A Guide for Coping with Depressive Feelings | Psych Central

When You Feel Lost

When You Don't Feel Anything During Your Depression

https://psychcentral.com/blog/feelin...this-can-help/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/tips-f...ure-depressed/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.