Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Yes, I think I want him to be able to sort of hold my feelings. I feel I’m getting the negative side of his sharing his feelings with me without the positive. Like if at times he was like “I care very much about you, so it’s hard to see you hurting like this” to balance out the “I feel you’re trying to control me” or “you’re being manipulative,” then I think I could deal with it. But it’s like I’m just getting his negative reactions. And it would be good to explore what they’re really about. He seems open to that at times but not others.
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I guess I just do not see why it has to balance? I mean, Info won’t go all gooey on me about how she cares (the woman can learn) but she will say “I felt attacked when you said x like that.” To me it’s useful information, not a negative reaction (and I can see why she feels attacked when I think about it) and it’s helped me irl a bit. Like, do you think maybe other people feel manipulated by you? If not, it’s not useful information for you, if yes it could be.
I see it as a friend’s job to tell you the first, and also the second, but I don’t see it as the therapist’s job to tell you the first at all, nice as that might be. I see their job as a lot closer to telling you the second, though maybe not so directly as he does. When did he say “you’re being manipulative”? I remember him saying “I felt manipulated,” which is different, and takes responsibility for his own feelings.
Piaf once told me to quit being the therapist, to stop asking about her negative reactions to me. It annoyed me at the time but in retrospect I think she was right. Exploring his negative reactions from the pov of understanding his feelings seems pointless. That’s about him, not you. Exploring your negative reactions to him is much more on point.
By now it’s pretty clear you don’t want what he has to offer as a therapist, so why not move on? It’s a pain to start again but I would not say he has been unuseful to you.