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Old Sep 03, 2019, 06:49 PM
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LonesomeTonight LonesomeTonight is offline
Always in This Twilight
 
Member Since: Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 22,040
Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
LT, I guess I am not sure it’s a two-step process, healing and then progress. I think it’s an all-mixed-together process. And I’m not sure it’s so much healing in the sense of wholeness as scarring over.

Also it sounds like what you’re saying you need is a therapist to kind of reparent you. Definitely not Dr. T’s wheelhouse.

I agree on it being a mixed-together process. I know I can't really heal the childhood wounds, so scarring over is a better analogy.

In some ways, I want someone to reparent. Yet I feel becoming hopelessly attached to them. So I feel "OK, T is better, because he doesn't do that." But then he says or does things that hurt me (even if with the best intentions). Again and again. And I wonder if I'm just reopening the wounds repeatedly by staying with him? Such that I can never really heal or scar over?

I keep thinking I need someone like T to push me forward. But here I am tonight, drinking more than I'd intended to (I was doing well with that in the past 7 days, without seeing him). I think I may have gotten more out of my (free) conversation with this person at the bar who recently became an American citizen (from Nicaragua) than I did with T, for whom I pay significantly. (Therapy was not one of the discussion topics--they ranged from our local area to natural disasters to politics.)


Maybe I just need to step away from therapy all together for a bit, I don't know... Like reboot my brain or something...
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