Quote:
Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins
I had a therapist once talk about maintaining healthy boundaries. Basically, healthy boundaries are not all the same for every circumstance; healthy boundaries are flexible.
I kind of see what he is saying along they same lines. We have to be able to listen to ourselves and maintain our own measured control over our own revelations, emotions, etc.
I had a big ol' suit of armor up when it came to my emotions and my ability to be vulnerable, but my therapist didn't ask, expect, or even recommend that I throw it all off at once nor permanently. He always said it was perfectly fine to just take of that left gauntlet for a few minutes and then put it back on if I needed to to feel safe. Over time, maybe I can take off both, or I can leave them off a bit longer. Even when I was able to throw off most of my armor, he recommended keeping it close by. I might need it for certain people; not everyone is safe. I might need it in certain circumstances; if I wasn't feeling as strong and simply needed the safety of more protection for awhile, it was okay to put it back on for awhile.
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I have been with him for a year and a half so it is not like I was vulnerable all at once or let my walls down all at once. First of all I felt safe and cared for to do so and was grateful I could since trust was always an issue. But now that I did I was left exposed and really felt it when my attachment became painful and my feelings were not acknowledged my him.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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