I do not think that therapists really understand much about this at all. They have some interesting ideas and concepts I can relate to, and are a start, perhaps, at some general understanding, but that is it as far as I can see.
I would really like to read some stories of people who have successfully been through this stuff and made it to the other side. Maybe it would tell something about the journey and some clues. Maybe it's just us clients who have to find our way, or not, but maybe there are some clues for therapists, too?
For me it was all or nothing. So no putting up 90% of the brick wall, the concrete block house was not an option. Just wasn't. Inside there was -- still is -- a burned infant, with no epidermis, it was all burned off. Well, maybe there's a little skin now, but I still so remember the feeling of that burned infant, once I re-felt it in the rejection and contemptuous glances of my last therapist -- reenactment? Probably, it still was horrible hurt, and she couldn't tolerate my cries and complaining about it. Numb the infant out and put the concrete block house completely back up? I could still do that, but what would be the point?
On the other hand -- and please let me know if you don't want to hear this kind of thing from me -- the following comments of yours:
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The emails on my attachment explained how I felt like my self worth and Identity was coming from him and without him I felt empty and I could just die. He was the catalyst to all my successes in therapy and outside of therapy. The he is the one that is like the wind under my wings and he brings color to my world. When I think about him not being there anymore all my issue come back and I feel like I never went to therapy.
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reminds me of the idea that Kohut's self-objects are needed to create or bolster a sense of self. You FEEL LIKE your self worth is coming from him and this is a deep, early non-logical relational process. Needed for the development of a healthy self and independent, psychological skin (not wall). In the self-object concept, the others ARE us, in a way, for awhile developmentally at least. What you have written here is definitely consistent with that theory, and maybe if psychologists understood that process better, even if it's just from the outside, not the inside like us, it might help.
I tried to talk about this kind of stuff with my last T, to use my cognition to try to help put things together and understand, but she wouldn't have it. SHE had to be the expert, or something. So -- if these ideas are helpful, you can keep them to yourself, they belong to you, if you want them. Toss them out if you don't.