Quote:
Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche
LT, I haven't weighed in on your situation in quite a while but research shows that the biggest single predictor of success in psychotherapy is the quality of the relationship between the therapist and the client. Can more growth occur in the context of a relationship where you feel attacked? People can help us see hard truths about ourselves without making us feel attacked; it is possible. This T simply cannot do it or is unwilling to do it.
And, I'm sorry, he doesn't believe in unconditional positive regard? What the actual blank? It may be unrealistic but it's a goal thoroughly worth striving for if you choose to make your living as a therapist. I guess some in the psychoanalytic school don't believe in it but in that case they keep their lack of positive regard to their damn selves.
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Thanks for the thoughts, MP. My T has cited that before, too, about the relationship being the most important predictor of success in therapy. It felt like, despite some conflicts, we overall had a good relationship. But lately, it just doesn't feel that way anymore. It does feel more like he's attacking me lately. I mean, I guess I'm attacking him a bit, too. I don't typically do that with people.
If he had owned up more yesterday to some of what he'd said and how it made me feel, I'd be thinking about this a bit differently. But he just seems to hide behind his whole "I'm being honest with you" and "I want you to know how other people might react to you" things. You can be honest with someone without being hurtful. I'm not even sure T seems to understand what's hurtful about some of what he's said to me (particularly the stuff when he knew I was in a bad place mentally--he did admit maybe he should have saved the "manipulative" part till later when pressed). Or that he understands why some of it might be OK in his outside relationships (like friendships) but much less so with a paying client.
And yeah, the fact that he's so open about not believing in UPR and even seems to scoff at the idea...that bothers me, too.
Thinking I'm going to cancel tomorrow's session. I feel what's also telling right now is I tend to have the urge to work through things with him (or with anyone in my life) as soon as possible. Like I normally want to go make it better right away. But I really don't feel like seeing him right now. It's too soon (it was only scheduled this way because he was off Monday, then will be out of the office all day Friday). And I see consulting T Friday.
It's also probably not the best sign that I'm concerned he'll also see my canceling as manipulative. No, I just need space...