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Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
I think this is what I need, someone who can just be constant and consistent. Who isn't so reactive. In some ways, with T, it's like, "Yes, I need to be able to understand that someone can be frustrated or upset with me and still accept me." But going through that with him is rather exhausting. Where he needs to tell me his every thought about how I'm affecting him. People in real life generally don't do that--right? And I've told him that some of it isn't helpful to me...yet he persists and pushes it on me.
It would be a relief to just be able to go in and talk to a T and not have to worry about any drama between us...
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I think people in real life, in healthy relationships, absolutely do that.
LT, your therapist has a style that personally I would like. He sounds a great deal like my therapist that got me to the place where I no longer need therapy. However, his style and approach aren't as nurturing as you tend to want from a therapist. He is more boundaried than you tend to like in a therapist. He's very straight forward and definitely lives in reality. I don't think he's wrong. He just may not be a fit for you.
My only concern is that if you keep seeking out therapists who are more nurturing, more accommodating, more "relational", you'll continue to go through this cycle of getting so transferentially mixed up with your therapists that the work on your issues gets lost. On the other hand, this therapy relationship has somehow managed to work its way into more conflict and distraction despite your therapist's best efforts to keep it boundaried and professional. This therapist is challenging your patterns of thinking and behavior. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but you may not be ready or willing to be that challenged at this point.