Hi LT, sorry to read how much you are struggling with your T. I just thought I'd add my bit, for what it's worth. Some years ago I saw a great T who cared about me very much, and vice versa, but didn't quite hit the spot when it came to nurturing the young part of me. There was a lot of drama between us because I needed her to give something she wasn't prepared to give because it wasn't how she worked. She helped me massively because she believed in me, but she focused on the adult so much that the child was forgotten along the way. I felt I didn't have her acceptance because she wanted me to move on so badly. I think I needed her to sit with me and accept where I was. I didn't even really realise the problem at the time, but we ran into conflict a lot along the way due to these difficulties.

I have found a therapist who is very much as Echos describes above - extremely caring, attachment focussed but has really great boundaries because she is safe within herself. She has done her own work and it shows. She sits with me whatever I feel and there is no conflict, no drama, just her acceptance. She says a great deal as she's a T who will contribute a lot - but her contributions are around empathy and understanding my experience. It is amazing - and yet I think I am in a much better place to attach to her because of the past work I have done with the previous (and other) Ts. I'm deeply attached to her but I am aware I have more resources to handle it. So a lot can be said for how my old T was. I did learn a lot with her, but I deeply craved a form of re-parenting with a T who would just simply be here for me no matter how I feel, even if I'm angry with her, as she won't take it personally or over-analyse it like other Ts may have done.

Obviously my experience is just my experience, but based on that I'm wondering if you know in your heart that this T has taken you as far as you can go with him? It happens. Just like other relationships, t alliances evolve and change with time. It might be you've outgrown what T can give you and you do need a more nurturing kind of T. If you're fortunate enough to find one, it could also be that you are in the right place to be with that without going in over your head. My very first T was when I was 18 and she was very maternal - my God I was so obsessed with her that I threatened S when she went on a break!! I thought I would die. I'm not like that any more. You also might find you have developed more resources to cope with a deep attachment.

I really hope you find a way forward that works for you.