You know... this is interesting. (I'm sorry it happened to you. But it is interesting.) Up until fairly recently I used to get the idea, from time-to-time, that I was going to really knuckle down & be mindful... focused on the present moment... no extraneous thoughts allowed! I so I would do it... or at least give it my best effort. And it seemed like, the next day, I would invariably end up being a seething cauldron of anger. Everything would just piss me off! So after a number of episodes like that, I finally decided that "forced mindfulness", so to speak, was just not a great idea... at least not for me. Perhaps there are just things that have to evolve over time.