If I could get my husband to let me get any type of toy that would make things soooo much better. He just laughs at the thought of it.

Only time we ever do anything, it has to be after 11 PM with EVERY light in the house off and he barely even looks at me. Never anything different. I've tried.

I really don't know what his deal is. My gut almost tells me that maybe there is something from his past that is causing all this but he won't tell me and it just kills me. Especially because I just feel so incredibly guilty for all the crap I've done to him...and if he did have some past abuse or something...that just makes me even worse.

Sex shouldn't matter that much. I should love him enough that I could go without it if he wasn't capable, you know? Like if he got in some car accident and was paralyzed from the waist down, I should be able to love him enough that I could live the rest of my life without it. Right. So why can't I control myself when it's only been a few months of rejection???

Ugh...sorry I took this off topic again.