I'm not sure what the situation with your T is and why you can't see him anymore -I take it he wanted to end the alliance with you? That must have been agonisingly painful. All I can say is that I grieved for a T relationship for a different reason and I know you can get through it, it's horrible and painful and you don't think you will cope, but somehow you do and you come through the other side where it doesn't hurt so much anymore and you can move on whilst retaining the part of the relationship that has maybe helped you grow, or you allow the grieving to take you to what you wish the relationship had been like. Either way, you process and come to terms and it does truly ease over time.

It may be your work with this T isn't finished and if so that's a decision for you to make if you can weigh up whether it would be beneficial to work with him again, and if so what the goals and outcome might look like.

Any intense feelings for a T are bloody hard, romantic or otherwise, it's the nature of that kind of relationship where you're given the space to be and fantasise about how things might be. It makes sense that you miss him as T. I think deep down most clients wouldn't want their T to be anything else to them because you lose the space that makes the alliance so unique and special.