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My husband knows all this. He knows the pain and stress and anxiety that I've been going through with my brother. And he is just making it worse. I haven't had any proof that he is doing coke but it seems like too much to be coincidental. I dont think I have the energy to deal with more drugs in my life.
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This is the ALONENESS I am talking about with you. The not really having another actual "adult" that is growing and maturing with you the way you deserve to experience.
When you described how you were at that party and your husband talked about leaving and then disappeared and acted like he never told you he wanted to leave? I am willing to BET that he did some cocaine with his uncle and completely changed his mind about leaving. I have seen just how this works myself, even from YEARS ago it's just like yesterday that I experienced the same thing.
Actually, there are some strong narcissistic traits that come with alcoholism and addiction problems. It was not that long ago that I came across an article that talked about alcoholism and narcissism and how there are behaviors that both can share. The manipulations and twisting conversations around too. My husband has been sober for over 24 years now and he never really broke that habit. My husband, when active would black out, and a few times he did not know where he was or what he was doing and got into a kneeling position in our bed right next to me and literally peed right into our bed and woke me up out of a sound sleep. He even would get up and go over to his closet and pee into his closet thinking he was in the bathroom.
I have not really talked about that aspect of my own life history very much here. People often don't know how to respond to that. I remember when I finally went to an alanon meeting I just sat there in disbelief to be honest as I had never imagined ever going to that king of meeting and hearing what I heard. The other people in that room all looked so old and tired out too, it was a very scary experience. Remember, the person with the problem is NOT going to tell you the truth and often they think they don't have a problem if they don't drink constantly too. Oh, I remember my husband coming home late and he stunk so bad he would wake me up out of a sound sleep. If I said anything he would lie to me and tell me it was all in my head and I was the one who needed to get help and go see someone. I finally did and I WAS right AND THERE WAS A PROBLEM. So don't feel silly about your suspicions at all. Give yourself credit for noticing something is not right.