Hi guys, I was hoping you could help me with whatever mental health problem it is that I have because I have no idea, but my life seems to be getting harder everyday and I’m starting to get suicidal thoughts every now and then. I used to have these thoughts a year ago but I knew in my mind for sure that I was never going to attempt it or anything, I just often wondered if it wouldn’t actually be better for anyone who lives a ****** life with no easy short or even certain way out of it to simply disappear, or at least to never have been born in the first place.
It has only been this semester that I started to get so resentful about everything in my life to the point where this feeling started to get more real. I’ve just been working so hard towards the things that i wanted since the first half of 2017 (after a ****** childhood and pathetic adolescence i actually feel extremely guilty about having had to go through it) and I’ve even made a few goals for my life in the future. I’ve been working towards these things to the point where I was just getting so exausted all the time and through the last 2 and a half years I’ve been able to arrive at a conclusion that I have very little control over my social life and perhaps won’t ever even date anyone.
It simply sucks the life out of me knowing that there are certain things that can’t be changed about who I am or all the stupid things that I’ve done In my life, which often leads my inner critic to call me weak, worthless and pathetic and this is starting to get so overwhelming that I fear this suicidal feeling might start growing up to the point that I just won’t be able to take it anymore.
I’ll never get the courage to talk about this with my parents and I fear I might not even ever be capable of talking about this to my therapist because I’m getting sick of sounding so negative and bringing other people down all the time.