Kathy, I'm sorry you're suffering so.

For what it's worth, it wasn't God that made a mistake. It's just the human condition. God can help you through this terrible experience, though.

Do you think you could come up with, let's say, a "thankful list"? What IS good in your life? Try to focus more on that than all the suffering you're going through. It's not easy, but I'm willing to bet that you can come up with something and slowly build on that list.