I know what you are describing, I have had those experiences myself with some life challenges where other indivduals chose to do things that completely caught me off guard. Well, you have more maturity than she does too. At least you have the ability to stand back and understand some of the "whys". That is a plus but unfortunately, it does not fix or change what your wife is choosing to do that has basically tossed you to the wayside like this. Often, it has a lot to do with needing to experience "not having to answer to anyone" too.

Years ago, when I was in my thirties, there was a series on called "Thirty Something" and that series really did a good job at depicting some of the challenges couples face when they reach their thirties. I wish I could provide some comfort and tell you how she will get past this and realize she needs you and should appreciate you more. I can't predict that for you because sometimes it all depends on how much a spouce has pent up in them where they just need to experience some freedom that they themselves don't really understand but just want to experience so badly.

I don't really think it's so much your marriage that she doesn't want, instead it was her life and being so tied down all the time. After all, she has been with you for almost 10 years and was tied down to a special needs child too. She has not really had any real FREEDOM if you think about it. It doesn't sound like she really experienced other relationships either, well, she is going to find out some harsh realities when it comes to that.

Does she have an actual nursing degree?