I think that what she is doing and doesn't even realize it is she is acting out her need for control. People choose to do this not even realizing that what they are doing may actually be hurting someone who doesn't deserve it. It won't matter what you do, she is not going to be receptive to it because she doesn't want to give up her choice to satisfy her need for control.
I believe you when you share that you tried to be there for her too. But, that isn't the same as her having "the control". Sometimes, a person will say "you should have done this, you should have done that" when what they are really saying is "I wish I had the control in my life where I could experience these things" and have more choices, instead of being controlled and having to grow up too fast with all these responsibilities and constant stress. She is not really looking at this where she can see that you did not always JUST know how to do some of these things she tends to resent not having "before".
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As much as I want to reconcile and fix things I know that I can't even do that until she acknowledges that there are internal issues at play and seeks out help for it. Otherwise this will only happen again in the future.
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YES! And you are correct in that it could very well happen again unless she gets to the bottom of what she is experiencing and how her choice can end up causing damage that she may very well regret.
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What happens when something really does happen? I death in the family, physical or mental sickness, hard times with work, etc. That is what gives me the greatest sense of abandonment in this case.
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She isn't even thinking about any of this as often this "need for control" issue is too strong and a person acts out with it where they are not seeing all the consequences.
I have been on the receiving end of this so I know how confusing it can be. Every time I got near and tried to do anything, this individual would literally blow up at me and get very toxic. The main theme in this in the other person is "needing to have some sense of control". This has been building up for a while in her too. It's very hard to know what to do when someone gets this way, often the best thing to do is back away from them and give them space. However, even that can be something they find fault with.
I am sorry you are having to deal with this, it can definitely be very frustrating and depressing. No one cares to experience not having control or even knowing what to do to fix whatever they are experiencing that seems to come out of no where. Often the only thing you can do is step back and let it run it's course. Try to find things YOU can do with your time, like working out, going for walks, maybe sitting with a therapist or finding different things to distract yourself that can be some kind of positive or productive. Time will definitely drag and feel heavy if you are doing nothing.