Welcome, @PAC1999! I am so sorry things are being so hard for you! Please don't be hard on yourself. You're doing EVERYTHING YOU CAN to keep going and you should be proud of yourself for that. Please speak to your therapist about this. They're there to help you! You're not being too negative. You're just doing everything that's in your power to get better. So please, be kind to yourself and try to talk to your therapist about ALL OF THIS! Are you taking any meds at the moment? That may help you. Please do reach out for help in whatever way you can. You are important and you matter. You know that's ABSOLUTELY true! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you and your family and friends, @PAC1999! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need someone to talk to or vent to or even some advice and support! Plenty of others will be glad to help you as well so please don't be afraid of speaking out!