Hi, for all of you who don't know, i am in the Maldives on a two week holiday with my mum in attempts to get her mind of my sister (who died recently). She has been doing great and being away has helped me get away from some things back home. Though i never considered myself at all dependant on alcohol, i was always a big 'partier' and so decided to give up alcohol and draw away from some friends who were not good influences on me.
Everything is going good at the moment, but I feel so down. I am mad at myself for not being thrilled at my mum's improvement and for craving alcohol. I am finding it increasingly hard to get out of bed in the mornings and look after my mum and get on with the day. I am just so...bored with it all. I cannot really think of a more appropriate word. I didn't know whether or not to post this in depression because i have had no 'sad' feelings or ANY feelings what-so-ever, but i just have this constant feelings of exhaustion. I am craving to drink or stop taking my schizophrenia medications so that i just have SOMETHING to feel. IDK, just felt like a rant really because when you are stuck in a foreign country looking after a mother who i can only describe as having a complete mental breakdown, you don't have many people to talk to.