I don't how or why even start this but I guess I need to vent, or something.

I think how I view it is a rough patch in life which I'm going through. I mean, I've grown up in an abusive household and learnt to deal with those things, all things considered, just fine when grown into adulthood myself. Overall, I've never been the most happiest person on earth. I have my issues and flaws like every other, and strengths based on what I've been through, which I value both. But recently, it's felt like it's just too much to handle.

Last year, just before Christmas, my wife broke up with me. Kinda out of the blue. I saw it coming but was just emotionally exhausted to act on any way, or be available, beforehand it happened. Internally I was fuming and raging but I just couldn't do, say or ask anything. Some level I don't think I even wanted to. I've been just drifting. Day-to-day life got lifted upside-down.

Couple months later my Mom sends me a text that my older brother has had an epileptic seizure during work. He's been scanned and it's found out that he has brain tumor. Somehow, I don't comprehend it right away. I just don't. It slowly starts to sink in. I call my Mom, she sounds okay but disoriented, her info on the subject doesn't make any sense. Next day my brother gained consciousness and I was able to call him myself. He was just cracking jokes about his condition, very very black humor, and seemed like it wasn't that big of a deal. I promised that I'd come over to see him and he was just relaxed and loose, like 'yeah sure drop by we haven't seen awhile'.

I call him beforehand and ask where his room is etc. and he's just completely different sounding. Choked up and barely got to say his whereabouts. I got kinda confused 'cause I've never even heard him like this on the phone. I got to the hospital and brought some stuff I knew he'd like and he's just holding everything back at the very last moment until he can't hold it anymore. I've never seen him cry, ever.

It's almost comical to me sometimes. How much this kinda stuff can happen to a one person? Why me? Why my brother got this ****?

I've been to a psychologist, six 2-hour sessions, talking about my life, feelings and the stuff that just has happened. I feel like I haven't even got to say everything that's important. She's adamant that her help isn't enough. She thinks I'm suffering from depression and I should be administered to psychiatrist and to psychotherapy. I'm in no way suicidal so I'm not forced to do anything and refused to sign up to anything like that.

But I'm just so alone. Alone with my thoughts. I don't have anyone to discuss this with. Every few friends I have, I haven't talked to them any about this. They know what's going on but don't know how I feel. I'm slowly cooping out on everyone. My psychologist is supposed to call to check on me next month but I'm not sure if I wanna talk.

I'm not even sure I'm checking up this post but thanks anyone whoever even reads it.