I am not sure why I try, it always ends the same. I was even starting to believe that I am not an ugly stupid pile of crap, that is hilarious that I could be so delusional. I guess that is a good measure of my stupidity and worthlessness.

I am always good to laugh at so I guess that is something. The only time I feel anything positive is when I sleep but of course I can not sleep more than an hour or two because sleep leads to a panic attack. Not much longer