I feel disorientated, annoyed and weighed down when I read about these different therapists with whom you are consulting/working. It seems that you are juggling different reasons (even potential reasons) for these explorations which are set alongside the different (often conflicting) opinions posted here. It all sounds full and busy, so much chatter. Can you imagine what feelings you might have and what choices you might be making without all this external chatter from others (including those whom you invite to speak)? I am losing a sense of where you are.