I think that's a very honest email and I'm in awe of you for being able to send it. It's the sort of thing I'd want to send but would struggle with. I hope your T responds in a warm and accepting way.

Erotic transference seems to play out in many different ways. I experience it with my T, but for me it's a kind of physical attraction, not sexual per se. I wouldn't want to do anything with her. But I do want her to find me attractive and not think I'm disgusting. I'm single, but I can imagine myself comparing any new relationship with the therapeutic one in many respects. I think I see my T as someone I wish I could be and that's why I feel so much love and longing - it's like a child with the love object that is the parent, which is obviously not overtly sexual, but can be understood to have erotic undertones (thinking of Freud here, nothing abusive).