Please be gentle.

My psychosis (my heads not as loud and the bugs don’t bother me as much. I still feel someone is watching me.) getting better but my mood / anxiety sucks. I’m on the verge of crying or crying all the time. Everyone asks "How are you?" to start conversations and I always answer good. I can even fool them when I’m fully psychotic. So does H. Everyone would be shocked how we really deal with life.Our T’s aren’t really aware. I’m a good parent but I can’t do some basic things. Whether is stress, paranoia, or CP that causes it doesn’t matter.. But really I just want to disappear. I know I’m depressed and in reality I do have value but this is all too much right now. H feels horrible because I’ve never been like this not this bad. He wants me to call pdoc Monday but I’m hesitant, I’m not suicidal, I saw her like 2 weeks ago. I meet new T on Wednesday I feel this is more a T issue than a pdoc issue. Pdoc did make me promise to call if things got worse but things have kinda, not really, gotten better. I’m worried my son will notice soon. I just want to be independent and working. H thinks he’s made me this way. I feel I trapped him.