Hi Miss Laura please be careful! I don't know if I have much new to add to this post, but want to echo what others have said that this sounds dangerous, and if it's out of character than please consider waiting until you are stable before making decisions. I have made a rule with myself that I will not make any important decisions if possible when I am dealing with certain mood issues due to hormones because I know I would make decisions I might regret later. This has worked well for me. If I still feel that way when I am more stable then I can make that decision when my judgement is not clouded. I hope you can keep some insight into what is going on and think about your future self. Reaching out for help seems like a good idea if you are not feeling stable.