such a dumb mistake of me to over look everyone has unique brain chemistry. i guess I just now know I can break through to mania on high dose lamictal and vraylar (which aside from schizophrenia treats specifically mania/mixed mania).

lithium worked well but I hope I don't need to go on it cuz I heard it's bad long term and my depression is better treated w lamictal.

but TBH my baseline is kinda like... boring. that's why I do drugs but I'm on probation w random testing and violated already so if I violate again I go to jail.

i just wanna feel strong feelings without getting out of control.