Hello everyone,

I'm new here. I have a lot of things to deal with and I hope I can find help and support in this place. At the moment, something is bothering me a great deal. I don't know how to explain it the best way as it's a long story for me to tell, in order for you guys to fully understand what I'm dealing with. Maybe you're dealing with the same thing in which case, I feel for you.

Ok, so I'm wondering about something about my mom. She frequently calls me, she often says she's worried about me and that she misses me. These calls sometimes take up hours of my time (longest call yet was 3 and a half hour). She must be really worried then, you might think. The thing is, of those three hours, I maybe spent 15 minutes talking and listening for the remainder. She'll ask how I am at the beginning and when want to tell her how I am, she interrupts me and starts talking about herself. Like this:
"How are you?"
Me: "Very well, I have some great news to share. I got an excellent result on my piano exam the..."
Mom: "Oh! You're just like me! When I still played the piano, I was the best of my class, and I blah blah blah I this, I that, blah blah me me me."

And then I'm listening for half an hour to her telling me about her time playing the piano, which was over ten years ago. Also, ten years ago, I would be playing the piano at home to practice. She would shoo me at times to play herself and show me how it's done.
I can never finish anything I say. Whenever I try to share something about myself, she interrupts me (sometimes she quickly congratulates me) and then starts talking about how she went through or did the same thing. How bad she had it at the time. How well she did at the thing I'm currently doing.
She also wasn't a great mom when I was a child. She used to give me lectures that lasted for an hour or longer, tearing me down and calling me fat, how ugly I am and badly groomed (I was a ******* child and isn't it a mother's job to groom their kids?) I was. This is only a pinch of salt of how she could be.

But that's what confuses me. I'm 26 now. I'm much taller than her now and stronger. Maybe that's why she stopped abusing me so obviously to my face. But it feels as if she hasn't changed. Whenever I bring up that I didn't have a nice childhood and that home was violent, she gets angry (not directly at me) and starts talking on end about how it used to be hard for her. How my dad's family gave her a hard time. How my dad never stood up for her. Then she starts bad talking my dead, who is now dead for over 5 years and can't defend himself. She points every finger at everyone else. She just has to make sure that I understand that my pain is nothing compared to hers. That's how it feels. She doesn't take any responsibility for what she has done to me (and now, I'm dealing with severe mental health issues and suicide thoughts. Oh, about that. Sometimes, in anger, I let it slip
Yet she brags about me to other people and her friends. Loves to tell strangers that I am her daughter. Yet she never seems to listen to me, take responsibility for anything she has done and loves to be the victim. She's not directly abusive anymore but still isn't a great mom. What is up with her? Why is she now so sweetly ignoring who I am, what I do and what I want to tell her? I listen to her stories too. When she tells me something, more authentic. But I'm sick of hearing the same stories over and over again whenever I try to share something new. It's making me crazy, I just feel so angry at her, yet I don't want to hate her. I'm so confused and don't know what to do with this. She helps me, worries about me, wants to spend time with me yet when she does, everyone has to see, and she has to one up me every time. What do I do? Please... don't start talking about your own situation unless it helps me. I want to listen, I really do. But I can't anymore. I'm sick of people hijacking my situation in order to talk about themselves. It makes me feel as if I'm just a pitch to a "greater story" or "more important story". Which I'm not. I need help. And I can't find any.

Thanks for your time.