Quote:
Originally Posted by saucygirl31
such a dumb mistake of me to over look everyone has unique brain chemistry. i guess I just now know I can break through to mania on high dose lamictal and vraylar (which aside from schizophrenia treats specifically mania/mixed mania).
lithium worked well but I hope I don't need to go on it cuz I heard it's bad long term and my depression is better treated w lamictal.
but TBH my baseline is kinda like... boring. that's why I do drugs but I'm on probation w random testing and violated already so if I violate again I go to jail.
i just wanna feel strong feelings without getting out of control.
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Okay .... you said baseline feels boring? So you do drugs?
Well here’s the thing it’s common for those of use to feel “ boring” at baseline why??! because we have such extreme Highs !!!’ that how can stable not feel at least a bit boring??
My hypo is fantastic , everything is bright and shiny , music is magical , I have amazing abilities to create wonderful stories or things. But then it quickly turns to an ugly dark angry mess.
I’ll take my feeling a bit bored to having my emotional well being implode and leave a path of destruction in my wake that I need to clean up and make amends for.
It’s good that you can’t “ use drugs” because it’s IMPOSSIBLE to find any kind of stability with Bipolar using street drugs or more than the occasional drink.... so for that alone I’m grateful you can’t risk failing a drug test, jail would only destabilize you further.
Stay smart
