My partner and I are exploring polyamory and I am on board in principle but as someone with C-PTSD I am struggling when she is away on dates. I try to be strong and am able to show compersion towards her, I do find the idea of her being sexually empowered arousing, but when I am on my own I really struggle with separation anxiety and at times I want to self-harm but can't because she will see the cuts. I have tried distraction but tbh I just can't concentrate on anything when I'm like this and just keep having panic attacks and breaking down in tears, it's just bringing up lots of childhood trauma. Some people advise facing your fears but when your fears are as dark as mine and based on real traumas I'd really rather not, ideally I'd like someone to cuddle me but don't have anyone I can turn to yet. Anyone else been in this situation, how do you cope? I want to not be a mess when she comes home so she doesn't feel guilty.