My Support Forums - View Single Post - I'm not sure what im going through [Trigger Warning Childhood sexuality]

gowinggrl · 02:27 PM

I'm not sure what im going through

im having really bad anxiety and depression because of things i did as a child.

Possible trigger:

when i was younger, i used to play with kids who were 6/7 years younger than me, i had playmates my age but they grew up and some moved away. so when i played with my younger sibling's friends, we'd play house and we'd play sexually. im not sure if we penetrated each other but we played with each other's private parts. now, the anxiety i have is because of this, i was older than them, i was supposed to know better, but i still played with them. I honestly feel like i molested them and was a pedophile. i can't eat because what if they tell the police and then i go to jail because i was older and i should have known better.

i can't sleep properly because of these feelings.

Possible trigger:

it's gotten to a point where Im seriously considering suicide because i feel like id be better off dead.

everyone i tell about this says it's okay because i was still a child but im not convinced. i feel like an abuser who deserves to have suicidal thoughts and anxiety because of what happened.