I don't think you are doomed in therapy. I do think equating caring with adjusting boundaries according to what you want is maybe not an accurate measure - and therefore if that's your logic, you may indeed run into problems either colliding with another therapist's boundaries or becoming enmeshed with a therapist who has poor boundaries. I guess it depends on the personal boundaries of the therapists which isn't something you can control - and it also depends on if you are going to push boundaries regardless of where they are (I have no idea, I'm just saying). But that doesn't mean you can't do something differently - or maybe a different therapist and different dynamic, while recreating the same root issue, would be able to help you figure it all out better than he has.
I am puzzled that it sounds like you are classifying him as uncaring now. I would really think about why exactly you don't think he cares anymore when it seemed like you used to feel he did. As in, what specific actions of his made you think this? From the outside looking in, it sounds like you stopped thinking he cared when he refused to provide the reassurance that everything would be ok in that email.
Did you disagree with his assertion that some of the things he's said have felt cruel to you or you have perceived as cruel? You say you've never used that word, but that doesn't mean it's not how you've felt or perceived his words. I kind of thought that's how you felt, but I am not you.
Also, and I really don't intend to upset you, but I wonder if the email or emails he sent in response triggered a fear of abandonment. From what I remember, I think it must have been really hard to read that stuff - and it made you feel so bad you wanted to hurt yourself to escape how bad you were feeling. Obviously, I'm purely speculating here. I just wonder if some part of you feared that he was going to abandon you, so you are withdrawing out of self protection and abandoning him to prevent the "worst" from happening - for him to tell you you're "too much" and he won't work with you. This way, you get to be the one to walk away, which avoids the greater pain of being the one to be abandoned.
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Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face.
-David Gerrold
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