I have three days of working with the students under my belt. They are quite interesting to say the least! Nothing I have t dealt with in the past though. And the other staff is super supportive. I’m doubting my ability to keep up with the lesson planning though. I’m afraid I won’t be able to deal with the stress. I’m kind of freaking out. But I keep telling myself I’m a good teacher and I can do it. I just hope I really can.

I have to tell them I’m unable to renew my certification. I think I was told before that I can if I have 21 credits but I’m not sure. I do have 21 credits in two different programs. Not sure if that’s acceptable. I hope so. If not I’m out a job by the end of the year.

I think I am going to drop my master’s program. School is too stressful. The thought of taking five more classes makes me cringe. But if I go to the graduate endorsement program instead I’ll be done in the spring. I won’t have a master’s degree but I can always go back and get it later if I choose. And then I’ll be able to apply for my standard teacher of students with disabilities certificate and I won’t have to worry about it anymore. The idea is sounding more and more appealing. I think I’m going to do it.

Still having the stomach pain. Doesn’t seem to matter what/how much I eat. I just don’t have time to go to the GI dr right now. I should have gone over the summer. But it wasn’t that bad then. Sigh.

I’m feeling kind of down today because I’m doubting all my abilities. But it’ll be ok, I hope.

Oh, I had another nightmare last night. It was so terrifying I woke up almost crying. I had to wake RS up to calm me down. Basically in my dream RS was hugging me but he wouldn’t let go he started squeezing me really hard and I kept begging him to stop. I started screaming but I couldn’t scream and I tried to bite his hands to get him to let me go. He was completely silent. It was like he was an evil force pinning me down. I finally slid off the bed with his arms still squeezing me. I crawled into the living room dragging him behind me. I finally got away from him and started crying in the corner and then I looked over and saw the REAL RS coming toward me with a concerned look on his face. The evil RS disappeared. And then I woke up.

I can’t even begin to unpack that one. I was afraid to go back to sleep because I was afraid I would have another evil dream. In my half awake state I was convinced there was an evil presence in my house. I don’t think that’s actually true, I think I just wasn’t that awake. I hope nothing like that happens tonight!