Nammu, it definitely sounds like you experienced abuse. Do you think that someday when you're feeling well you could write some letter to the appropriate government authority about your horrible experience?

My experiences with restraint and seclusion were a bit traumatizing for me. I can't deny that. However, in my particular case, some of my severe episode experiences outside of the hospital are even more difficult to process. There is stuff we don't talk about to even family. Some stuff I've barely talked about to many of my past therapists. Some events I have talked about, but then the therapist acted astounded that I mentioned them in such a "matter of fact" way. They weren't "matter of fact", but some people (I can say, like me) try not to let these things destroy. I don't "laugh" at the really horrible stuff, as I joked about in a different thread, but I try to move on. They sometimes must be processed, like any trauma, though. Something does give, if traumas aren't processed. I know that very well. I once equated that trauma as creating a "psychiatric avalanche" in my life. One rough challenge, mentally, happened after another. I had to fight past all of them, one step at a time, and look forward to the good ahead.