Crumbling puppet...I'm so sorry you have lost yourself....the people around you probably just don't know what to do to help you because you sound horribly depressed...And on top of that...when we use drugs or alcohol..people don't trust us...for a very, very long time after they know that we are going to be ok.

I am a believer it is not your fault that you have the "genes" that steer you toward alcohol or drugs...Start being kind to yourself....I'm 55...and in the same situation as you...lost..no friends...family has turned against me...I left a job 5 years ago....so I don't work...all I do is take care of my Dad with dementia....BUT...since I have gotten older I have been OK with learning to like the person that I AM....and since no one is "around" I am learning more and more I like about myself...because no one is around to put down my every thought or action.

I do not have legal troubles that keep me here...I have my Father....but I like you would like to pack up and leave this area of bad memories also. It is not you ....it is the life you are struggling to get away from....Change your attitude about "YOU"....look in the mirror and tell yourself how f-ing strong you are that you are getting thru all of this SOBER....And continue to tell yourself good things throughout the day....you have a good smile....you are kind....(You fixed your friends car...that is kind)...you can't force other people to be the things you are.....You are also compassionate....You have so much going for you that these people don't recognize...but as soon as you recognize this stuff in yourself...it will stand out trust me.

Lately, since I have started this self talk...I hold my head a little higher....I have become MORE comfortable with being alone...not 100% comfortable...but it is not as scary as it was before...I'm starting to like myself and what happens when you start to like yourself is that you give off a different "vibe" and because you respect yourself people start to RESPECT YOU.

This is a tough journey we are on in life...but we also know that if we keep using or drinking there won't be a life....My sister died of an overdose 1 year ago this Friday.....she never learned to like herself.....