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sarahsweets · Sep 10, 2019, 03:05 AM

I am so sorry you are going through this @Mbluish

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Originally Posted by Mbluish

My parents love my husband but have, unthinkingly, made racist and bigoted comments. My parents always question his intelligence (He is a PhD) and career choice (A college professor) but at the same time think he is so smart and wise. They live close by and for many years we have celebrated holidays and birthdays together. He has not wanted to go for holidays in recent years and I’ve supported that. It’s hard as Christmas is so valued with my mom and I’ve wanted to have that time with her. But, I need to support my husband. In the past, I’ve expressed the importance of us visiting for Christmas and he has complied but we had to stop that a couple of years ago as we have off-limit subjects and my parents struggle to comply.

These boundaries that you have set with your parents, how recent are they? Like has it been years?

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They think it funny. We stopped in for a visit a few months ago and they brought up a off-limit topic. They do this time and time again and were over the top this last visit. I stopped them right there and we left.

Good for you! Way to hold your bottom line.

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I think that this was the catapult of sending my husband into a depression. He started therapy. He couldn’t tell me the first month. He feels that I have not protected him from my family until only recently. I love him with all of my heart and feel so bad he feels this way.

I am sure your interactions with your parents didnt help things but I would be surprised if they are the reason he gave into his depression.

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He is unhappy with everyone in his life right now and said today he feels going to be on his own would be the best for him. He is not suicidal but just wanting space. I don’t want him to be on his own as I am worried about him being isolated and that it would further damage out marriage. He has been really distant from me lately. We are normally very touchy-feely feeling but as of late, I get the occasional kiss on the cheek. He has become a different person and gets angry at little things. I am hurt to the core. I just don’t know if this is all related to the depression. I guess I am here for any advice, help, or support.

When he says he needs space, what does that mean? Have you asked him? Does that mean he wants to live alone? Sleep in a different room, go and start his own solo hobbies?