To some extent what I stated is true, however, I don't feel I was sensitive enough to the OP's current personal challenge. I think that men tend to be taught that being a "man" is about being able to provide as well as be able to engage in sex.

Sometimes, a man can be very selfish that way "unknowingly". Often the culprit with this is societal messages. Unfortunately, because of that many men never really learn what true intimacy is. This isn't just exclusive to men though as women can lack ability to engage intimately as well.

I wonder how the OP would feel if all that he went through made him impudent and his wife came to him and asked him if it would be ok if she "got it" from other men? Maybe we tend to make it way more important than it should be. We go through challenges in our lives, especially as we get older and it can be difficult to understand what to do with these challenges.

Personally, I would be very hurt if my husband came to me and asked if he could seek other women out for sex. I would feel vulnerable as often that can be the beginning of the end of any relationship. I think a man would have a hard time with that as well. Perhaps private thoughts develop of "what does she/he need me for if she/he wants to go elsewhere?".