I'm sorry Spikes. That sounds like an incredibly difficult situation. I'm glad you shared. Can you agree that you aren't in any position to decide what you deserve right now? Your brain is trying to recover from trauma and your assessment isn't solid. I realize there is nothing that can change the past, but you're mucking up your future by self harming. You can only control what you do in the moment. It would be best to wait to see how you feel about yourself until you find baseline again. I imagine you might still struggle with the past, but the self hatred will be less. Can you do yourself a favor and just try to hang on until you've had a chance to heal a bit? Maybe write down how you feel to give yourself a healthier outlet.

I'm glad you're going to group tonight. I hope you find it helpful. I hope the same for therapy tomorrow. Hugs.