I'm in the middle of the last week of rehearsals for a play I am in, and I am really struggling. I still don't know my lines and blocking (i.e. stage movement). It isn't from lack of trying. I just can't seem to retain the information. One day I have it, then I get on stage and it falls apart. I have been in stage roles in the past, so this is not a new experience (but it is with this particular community theatre). This just makes me feel like a total failure and letdown to all the other people who depend on me to have this stuff down, as it directly affects them when they are on stage with me. When I talk myself out of feeling down on myself, then stuff on stage falls apart on me, and triggers me again. This doesn't help with learning my material, though it may contribute to my forgetfulness. But my depression can't be an excuse because the "show must go on." I am at a total loss. I don't know why I am having all this trouble, so I don't know how to address it. And this late in the game, it's not like I have time to consult with clinicians to help me figure it out before I have to have all this down - which is last week. Every so often I can channel my anger towards myself to help me in very brief moments, but that gives way to hopelessness and those failure/depressed feelings and thoughts. And I know I can't expect any specific help from anyone on here. It was just that I needed to let it out, not that I feel any better. I'm at work, sitting in my cubicle, feeling like I could cry at any moment (yet, simultaneously feeling as if my body can't actually do it, so it is just this darkness siting inside me wanting to come out but can't.) I hate this. And I feel sick to my stomach, as well.