Because I'm not sure how this sight works. I didn't realize people responded to my post. There were two occasions that I unsuccessfully attempted to take my life. On the road a lot and so so alone. Go through maniac moments(uncontrollably atm) a voice from a live person helps, I find. I have pushed everyone I care about away, I think for a defensive approach . Which in turn makes me even more alone. People that are "normal" do not understand!! So yes I'm hurting really bad atm