Thanks. I feel pretty low today, though. Was having some very dark thoughts earlier today, but definitely not the worst I've experienced.

I have to remain positive for my mom because I am seeing her today. I know she has been extremely stressed out over work and has spent quite a bit of time worrying about my grandmother.

My sister, who FINALLY isn't being selfish for once in a blue moon, is going with me to pick up special dinner for my mom. It's going to be a surprise.

I'll probably feel miserable for a while (because I guess that's just how depression works...), and it's going to be painful to fake my happiness this weekend, but I think I have to for the sake of everyone. The mastectomy is hitting my mom hard even though my grandma was obviously the one who underwent that procedure. But if I am a Debbie downer about everything, it'll only hurt my mom, and I don't want that because I know she is hurting quite a bit with all the medical scares my grandma has had this year alone. (Not to be pessimistic, but she's had so many (very serious) scares that I'm afraid any minor medical problem could mean the end. ) I guess this is just a particularly bad time to get depressed, and faking things is going to eat at me.