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Originally Posted by atisketatasket
Um...did she not have a mother? Every single mother-daughter relationship I’ve ever known has complicated feelings.
Can you tell her, “I think we should both take some time to calm down and then maybe we can discuss it”?
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The original mail I sent in response to her email entitled Needs where she bullet-point listed all the reasons she needs to come visit me even though I've told her I can't do a visit, written by my therapist because I couldn't:
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I know it has been a while now but I wanted to follow-up on the email you sent about visiting me. While I still don't know how I feel about the idea of you making a visit, I want you to know I have been thinking a lot about it and I'm still working through some complicated feelings: some related to our relationship, some related to things I've been going through personally that have nothing to do with you, and some related to the loss of Dad. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to respond. While I still don't have a response I just wanted to let you know that I got your message and I've been thinking a lot about it. I hope you didn't feel like I was ignoring or dismissing it.
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Her:
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I’m confused about ‘our relationship Whatever seems to be problematic wouldn’t it be something we could work on together?
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Sounds reasonable but this would be new territory for us. This feels confrontational.
Her again, 6 hours later:
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Would you please clarify for me what you reference when you speak of your feelings concerning our relationship?
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Feels demanding to me.
Me, desperately trying to get out of this trap:
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I don't know why you assume something negative from my email. I was simply telling you I need more time.
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I'm sure my therapist would have a different interpretation of these emails from her.