Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays
My objection to him saying that she should avoid any belabored review of their relationship with subsequent therapists was that it did not sound like it was intended in a spirit of helpfulness. The evidence for this is in the comment he made about the future therapist wondering why LT was there and about him having been frustrated over her discussing ex-MC so much (and who is he to be frustrated by that, anyway?). Those two comments were unnecessary. He of all people is well aware that LT worries about what people are thinking and I think it was a roundabout way of suggesting not only did he have thoughts he may have denied to her face, but that future therapists will do the same thing. I think it was an exploitation of LT's insecurity. Again, those claims were likely true, but the way they were made and the timing doesn't reflect well on him because it was done maliciously, in my opinion.
Yes, it is well worth considering all the time that has been invested discussing therapists and therapeutic relationships and what, if anything, is gained by that. But I don't think that was the motivation behind his words. That was an afterthought.
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Thanks, Susannah. Your comment on "not only did he have thoughts he may have denied to her face" is one that's particularly bothering me about him. (Not your comment--I mean I had a similar thought.) Because one of his big things with me was that he'd be honest and open with me, and that if something was bothering him, he'd tell me at the time, before it became a big thing. Yet this seems like it was bothering him for a long time (I haven't even talked about ex-MC much in the past year or so). So it makes me wonder what else had been bothering him that he didn't mention.
Plus he talked to me about how I was grieving ex-MC and that it could be a long process, which seemed very validating at the time. Now I feel I'm reframing everything he's said...
And of course I hate his suggesting that the same will happen with another T. Because now I have all these doubts and worries in my mind--well, they'd have been there to some extent anyway. But his comment just intensified them--how is that supposed to help me? Really, many of his comments Monday: How were they therapeutic? How were they supposed to help me? Some did just feel malicious. Like a spurned lover being like, "Good luck finding someone else who will put up with you like I did." It felt personal.
I mean, maybe he was hurt that he put a lot of time in with me and I left in the way that I did. Or frustrated with himself that he wasn't able to help me more lately. But he shouldn't have taken it out on me. Because like you said, he knows my insecurities and vulnerabilities. And that as recently as a couple weeks ago, I was
. he could have been much kinder in what he said. Especially considering he knew (and said recently) how important he is (was) to me, even though he said that part in a negative way, too. He shouldn't take on clients with insecure attachment issues...(and I was very up front about those in the beginning).